It’s ok to wish things were different

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My family moved out to the suburbs about 7 years ago. I had asked my parents if they could move closer to us but neither were really interested. My father, in particular, is tied to his house because it has an art studio and he is close to all his tennis buddies. My mother deferred to my father. We would see my parents once every few weeks or as often as we could. Over the years, they became less willing to make the 1 hour drive and waited for our visits.

Recently, my parents started needing more help. I visted them and attended a few doctor appointments but it was exhausting to drive back home traffic and care for two kids under 10. I started daydreaming that my parents could move closer. I fancied that I would be able to help them more, they could see the kids and even babysit! Unfortunately, I think we’ve waited to long. Even if my father were to consider it, my mother’s declining memory makes it that much harder for her to live in, let alone visit, a new place. The idea of moving from a home they’ve lived in for over 3 decades is daunting.

So, we are stuck in kind of a catch 22. Leave my mother and father where they are with less social stimulation but in the comfort and security of their longstanding home or uproot two older adults and move them to a relatively unfamiliar place to find new doctors and make new friends with me as their main support net. I admit that neither are ideal.

When I reflect on this conundrum, I realize we probably could not have done things any differently. Even still, I have longed for them to be closer, so much that there was an ache in my heart. I’m accepting that it’s ok for things to turn out harder than you’d expected and it’s ok to wish that they had been different.