Gaming with Grandparents

My dad asked if he could get the kids a Nintendo Switch gaming console. I replied with a quick “no, thank you” but the more I thought about it, the more an idea started forming in my mind. My plan was for my dad buy the Nintendo for my parents’ house. I thought it could be an activity for the kids and my parents to do together. During COVID my 5 year old would play chess with my dad on lichess.org and I would hear him yell “it’s a twap!!” whenever he had set up some trap to capture my dad’s queen. We loved it until my dad kept winning and then my son decided it wasn’t as fun after all. Hahaha!

I don’t know about your parents but my parents grew up in a culture and time where playing with your kids or grandkids wasn’t a thing. They didn’t value that type of interaction. Their goals were having an easy life with lots of paid help to do all the hard work. That was what was modeled for them when they were young. The ultimate success story would include loved ones surrounding you and paid help so you could avoid all hardship. My parents worked hard, sacrificing most indulgences, to raise my sister and me - they more than earned their relatively quiet and passive lifestyle during retirement.

Since I grew up in the US, I have a very different viewpoint. My goal in life is to work hard, enjoy my kids (read: interact more with them and like it) and continue to carry this tradition on with my grandkids. I see many local families whose grandparents volunteer at their baseball games, drive them to activities and take them for sleepovers while the parents go on romantic getaways to Napa! While this may not be in the cards for me (sigh), I count my blessings in other ways.

My parents show their love by being concerned and thoughtful. I would call it “worry love”. When I was in my twenties, my parents drove from Palo Alto to San Francisco after I returned to my apartment from a business trip - because I didn’t return their phone calls (I was sleeping). They went to check if my car was in the designated garage parking spot - once confirmed, they dropped off food at my door and turned around and drove home! They didn’t want to wake me up from my nap by barging into the apartment (even though they had a key).

I’m grateful to my parents for so many things. I also long for a version of them where they are more engaged with me and my children. Nintendo worked for a while - my parents don’t play as much pickle ball or tennis anymore so the Switch tennis was pretty invigorating. I incentivized my kids to bug my parents by giving unlimited gaming time if they played with their grandparents. My son would call my parents and ask “how’s your Nintendo tennis coming along? have you been practicing??”. Hahaha. They would have a good laugh and say, “regretfully, no”.